Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Kahwin paksa

I want to talk about arranged marriages. I haven't thought of how this post is going to end up so just bear with me for a bit.

Arranged marriages do not happen anymore zaman ani. Ada pulang, but it is not the most popular way for a couple to get married. People now date. Do you realise that back in the day (when people don't date and had arranged marriages), divorces were almost next to zero? Do you realise that only now when the modern world has started 'dating' that divorces are getting so common? Or maybe that's just a coincidence.

I remember there's that saying - love starts after marriage. I think it's a Hadith, I'm not sure. Say you are to be arranged to marry someone who you don't know but are approved by your parents. It can either work out, or not work out. It's a matter of risk. Are you willing to take that risk? Can we be certain that love starts after marriage?

Scratch all those I've said. That's just me as a single-inda-laku guy talking! I'm wondering. Other than arranged marriages, what's the safe and ideal way to get married without dating then?

Arranged marriages can be seen as a cruel thing somehow. It's like memajal perasaan in a way. Kalau suka sama suka, baik. Tapi kalau suka sama inda suka? Kalau inda suka sama inda suka? Cemana? Pajal saja tia? Sabar?

Picture this conversation between 'yang suka' and 'yang inda suka'.

Yang suka: Sayang, 'sayang' sayang 'sayang'?
Yang inda suka: Inda. 'Inda sayang' inda sayang 'inda sayang'.

Do you get it?

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

so youre technically saying that u agree with the idea of arranged marriages? and believed that love do start after marriage?

Be'ah said...

i agree! eh jirin kenapa kau out of the blue psl arranged marriage anie? baru abis tengok ayat2x cinta kah? lol

Anonymous said...

Jirs~ ure not inda laku lah...ure just not discovered yet... ;)

sher said...

as a sociologist i just cant help but comment dude. hahahah.

okay here we go,

it is important to make a distinction between arranged marriages and forced marriages. because the term arranged marriages are actually quite common and accepted in many societies and that many see it as being normal to have
their family 'arranged' their marriages.

**definition of arranged marriage: of course, kana carikan jodoh but in most societies, both parties are still free to say no. (and i dont have to explain forced marriage do i?hehe)

another way looking at arranged marriages positively is that (bear in mind NOT FORCE MARRIAGES)to many extent it helps prevent us from maksiat and others from membuat fitnah(islamic perspective). so inda payah dating bawah pokok and begandang butul pagi2 (imagine cerita p.ramlee). other religious and cultural beliefs: many agree that it helps preserve 'family honour'. there are other different reasons but macam mengalih ku bepikir awal ani. hehehe.

but yeah, i dont generally agree that arranged marriage ani as something negative.

also, when you mention about the divorce rate, i disagree with it being related to arranged marriages. i actually believe that there is a rise in divorce rate now because it is easier to get a divorce now compare to dulu. i.e divorce lawyers etc.

if you want to look at it another way, compare one country to another. say LA (Los Angeles not Labuan) and Brunei. there's a high rate of divorced couples (or hollywood stars) in LA compare to Brunei because banyak Lawyer di LA. in Brunei on the other hand, jarang ketani mendengar (but i'm not saying nada k) because divorce is very much frowned upon in Brunei. and ugama ketani kuat masih. and we dont have 'money oriented' divorce lawyers and lineant divorce law yet.

Mamalobengs said...

Lai, kaka kawin arranged marriage jua...heheh!!

Anonymous said...

Lovely post! :)

I believe that 'love after marriage' IS actually the right thing to do in accordance to Islam.

And yes, there'll always be that risk. However, I guess this is the part where 'istikharah' and putting your full trust in Allah, comes in.

And if things do turn out the bitter way, I'm sure God has His reasons, for He is the All-Knowing. :)

Mamalobengs said...

Ehemm..
Bismillahirahmanirahim..

Per: Pengumuman!

Kepada semua yang berminat dengan Awang Jirin, sila isi borang 'arrange marriage' yang ada di http://mamalobengs.wordpress.com.

Sekian. Terima Kasih.

Mamalobengs said...

Eh SALAHHHH...
salah link...

aku pundah sudah at http://mamalobengsdoesbrizzy.wordpress.com

Sekian. Terima Kasih lagi sekali!

Mamalobengs said...

Ehhh typo lagii..
mengapa ku nerbas juaaa..

bukan PUNDAH.. PINDAH!!

bah sudah tah!!

Mamalobengs said...

Laii, I agree.. LOVE STARTS AFTER MARRIAGE!!

Mu hubby proposed after 21 days of knowing each other. The best thing to do is sembahyang istikharah!

On a lighter note.. aku cuti sudahhh.. yeeehaaaa!!!

Jirin said...

Anonymous,
I am not against arranged marriage. Kalau ok bini2nya. Ku kawini tu tarus hahah!

be'ah,
haha antah, me and apip was just talking about it hari atu!

anonymous,
awu inda laku. undiscovered? hahaha tekarang!

hi sher!!
thank you for the comment.. i dont see arranged marriage as something negative tho. summer ani aku minta carikan bini arah nini ku ni! hahahah jk! hahaha.

Anonymous,
yes love starts after marriage! thanks for dropping by the blog and thank you for the kind advice!

KA NAJ!!!
HAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Anonymous said...

The days of arranged marriage were also the days when divorce was not really an option. Women who were unhappy in their marriage really had no choice but to stay in it, because their entire livelihood depended on their husbands. Dulu-dulu, bini2 mana kraja, durang stay at home, so less likely to minta carai dari laki durang. Just my humble opinion.

Jirin said...

anonymous,
thats very tru jua. thanks for leaving the comment. very mich appreciate it =)

Anonymous said...

interesting post. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did any one hear that some chinese hacker had hacked twitter yesterday again.