Wednesday, 9 January 2008

Polygamy

I am in the UK. So I go to sites like Ranoadidas and Brudirect to update myself with what’s going on in Brunei.

So, there I was at Brudirect.com and I was reading the ‘Have Your Say’ section. It’s funny how people complain about the littlest problems, or should I say silly problems, or are they even problems to start with? Although there are some good arguments there.

Some of them were talking about polygamy. We are taught that it is okay (although not encouraged) to have two, three or four wives; just as long as the husband can be fair to all his wives. 'Fair' in terms of love, attention, money and everything else. If you are to buy your second wife nasi katok, jangan lupa bini tua. Kalau kan membelikan bini muda amas berapa puluh juta kirit, bini tua jangan di bari amas palsu. It is hard to be fair. Jangan tah kan fair arah bini, arah anak cucu lagi payah kan adil. If you think you cannot be fair, then jangan. I think if you know you can't be fair, I think it's haram to marry more than one. I think.

I know some women who tell me that they object to men practising polygamy. I can’t help but disagree. I am not saying that one day aku kan bebini ampat, no. Like, seriously, mencari seorang sudah payah. Apatah lagi ampat? What I am saying is that, Islam says it’s okay, so how can you reject that idea? To reject that idea is to reject an idea for the holy book, no?

Also, I can't blame these women either. They may make that generalisation that most men would marry another for sexual purposes. It's mostly true. Women like to label men as pigs. Rangka, lahap, lapar, larap, gatal. Apa lagi? Maybe most men are like that, but bear in mind, NOT all. I think, if a man kan kawin another for sexual purposes atu, is unfair, true. I don't know if bedusa kah inda kalau niat kan kawin solely to have legal sex. But then again there will still be those people who says - baik tah kawin, mun buat while inda kawin, bedusa saja.

I guess kalau diri atu bebini sudah, tapi masih jua tais liur bini-bini lain, sabar saja, or bawa puasa. Sabar saja, hari kiamat nanti puas tu. Sampai haus jua, sampai bangkak, sampai lakap, manasaja. For now, gigit saja bibir, talan aying liur dan tahan segala nafsu. Haha.

Tapi banar jua bah. If my wife is cheating on me, aku pun mental tu. I would be so mental, I would probably blog about it. So, yes, it is only reasonable to object the idea. If anyone is ever in that situation, if your husband still gives you all the love and attention but has an intention to marry another, I guess, sabar saja? It pays a whole lot in the end. Imagine pahalanya. I guess the pahala is similar to the pahala of a woman marrying a man who she knows is infertile; similar to the pahala of a man marrying a woman who he knows is a lesbian and who he tries to change.

You see where I'm coming from? To be sabar pays a whole lot in the end. I am not saying that someone should be 'sabar saja' every time, work out the situation lah, and see what's best. Avoid divorce, because we all know that to break up a marriage is like demolishing a mosque, kan?

I don’t know if one is able to love more than one, but since our religion allows us to marry up to four, then I guess we are able to love more than one, maybe four at the same time. Apa nya orang, kasih yang inda berbelah bahagi? But then again, what do I know?

Haha jarang jua ada laki bini yang macam - "You kan kawin lagi? Bagitau saja me bila, bagitau saja me kalau ada apa-apa yang kan me sign kah apakah. Siapa bang? Baik? Lawa? Iski me eh!"

Okay, so maybe some women can be 'sabar saja'. What if it happens to men? Can we be 'sabar saja'? Definitely not. Mesti act upon it. I quote, wajib di acut tu sebenarnya. You may think that it is unfair how men and women have different rights, but then again, masa hari kiamat, women are promised something so great, that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mouth has ever described, no brain has ever imagined. I remember reading it, I am not sure which surah in the Quran this is from though.

Haha, jarang sekali ni aku kan buat serious post. Sekali-sekala wah.

Selamat tahun baru Hijrah 1429*. Now ani barutah new year.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Quotes from the Quran:

"You can never be equitable in dealing with more than one wife, no matter how hard you try. Therefore, do not be so biased as to leave one of them hanging (neither enjoying marriage, nor left to marry someone else). If you correct this situation and maintain righteousness, GOD is Forgiver, Most Merciful." (Quran 4:129).

"If you deem it best for the orphans, you may marry their mothers you may marry two, three, or four. If you fear lest you become unfair, then you shall be content with only one, or with what you already have. Additionally, you are thus more likely to avoid financial hardship. " (Quran 4:3)

I believe polygamy is allowed (i have no objection to that) but not encouraged in Islam. One of the biggest misconceptions in Islam is when ppl think it's OKAY to marry more than one. No it's not ok. Like you said, only if u want to save someone and if you can be fair. but then again God said u can never be equitable.

Rainbow Shots said...

Hey Jirin. Actually. It is okay to marry more than one but if you really go through surah's and stuff...it is supposed to be on the lines of untuk menolong the woman. If that makes sense. People go 'oh nabi buat, aku boleh buat jua' but they don't know the reason behind it :P

I have no objection behind it. Haha dapat jua ada kawan :P KIDDING.

See you insyaallah on the 18th :)

ROGUE ECONOMIST said...

Hahahahaha. Ada saja kau ani Jirin eh..
Tapinya, iatah nya kami kalau laki2 or bini2 yg udah kawin inda sadar diri, lakat lagi ga*al kan mencari lain atu iatah inda cukup muda tu namanya...
Kamu yg muda2 atu, puas2 tah cari bakal bini/laki, apanya lagu Rabbani "Cari pasangan hidup BETUL, BETUL!". Bukannya sekadar rupa cute/handsome saja..karang udah kawin, kalau maintain baik..kalau naik saiz badan, parut labu dah atu perangai mcm hantu..iatah tu membarinya laki/bini cari lain.
Apapun, Allah Taala knows best.
Ma'al Hijrah.

Sherlock Holmes said...

SalaamunAlaik and Salaam Ma'Al Hijrah :)

I was reading a book of an interfaith dialogue between a Muslim and a Christian priest and one of the subject touched upon was polygamy.

It was a very intriguing dialogue which was quite convincing.

But I highlighted this part because I think it is the essence of the whole dialogue:

Islam menetapkan kebolehan poligami bukanlah sebagai sesuatu yang wajib atau sunnah, melainkan hanya suatu ketetapan mubah.

Ketetapan mubah dalam poligami merupakan hukum yang sungguh terpuji, kerana sesuai dengan sifat Islam sebagai ugama universal, yang berlaku untuk segala masa dan tempat serta segala mcam bangsa.

Sebab hukum mubah tidaklah sama dengan empat ketentuan hukum yang lain.

Islam tidaklah melupakan adanya bahaya poligami kerana penyalahgunaan. Kerana itu Islam menetapkan syarat-syarat yang ketat, iaitu hendaklah mampu berlaku adil (as you have pointed out).

Dalil untuk hujah ini is in Surah An-Nisa ayat 3 and 129(as given by anon)

Poligami yang kebolehannya bersyarat bukanlah timbul oleh serangan-serangan terhadap hukum poligami pada zaman kita ini,

akan tetapi seorang alim besar bernama Syihabuddin Ahmad Bin Muhammad bin Ali Rabi dalam bukunya 'Sulukul Malik Fi Tadbiril mamalik' menjelaskan kepada para suami untuk memenuhi enam tugas kepada Isteri dan tugas kelimanya ialah sebaiknya bermonogami sejauh dirasakan cukup bagi dirinya.

Walaupun dalam system poligami ini terdapat hal-hal yang negatif padahal sebenarnya kenegatifan itu ada pada perlaksanaan, bukan pada hakikat poligami.


And then the priest went on to ask about Rasullullah and his wives, but I think if i add on, this could be a post on my blog on its own. Lol.

And if it goes on to about wives cheating on faithful husbands, that also has a dialogue on its own.

So I'll end it here. Lol.

Allahu Alam. Allah knows Better.

Anonymous said...

hi there..
just to make correction on your post..its actually 1429..not 1428 :)
anyways Selamat Tahun Baru!

Jirin said...

Anonymous,
I wish you left your name so I know who I want to say thank you to for sharing that with me. Thank you.

Syaima,
at first I was like siapa ni ah Rainbow shots ani yang I will see on the 18th. until i checked out your profile! hehehe

you want bermadu supaya ada kawan? jarang tu eh!

Hijabi Spice,
first of all =p.
thanks for sharing that. that was an interesting read! Hehehe bah make a post on the topic!

i shall be waiting..

kak may,
hahaha awu banar tu ka. heheh awu iatah sebabynya aku balum begalpren ani, picky nya orang aku ani hehehe!

anonymous,
hahaha salah type. thanks for correcting!

Senor Pablo said...

Maal Hijrah to you Jirin. Great post and topic to blog about. hehee. Nda pulang ku kan komen sal kan kawin.. Ganya kan bepadah saja.. halaman rumah mu dalam keadaan baik, semua sehat2. Jalan Surapit nda banjir.. hahaaa. Nda pulang ku meround ke sana.. tapi berjumpa tia daddy mu d Mall hari atu.. Terconfess tia aku ani peminat setia blog mu..hahaa...
take care...

D said...

"...If my wife is cheating on me, aku pun mental tu. I would be so mental, I would probably blog about it..."

Classic Jirin. hahahaha. Just want to let you know because of your humourous writing (intended or otherwise), I am a fan of your blog.

Selamat Tahun baru Hijrah. May this year be better than the previous years.